The Diversity Projekt
Empowerment for All People of Color
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Latina? Who, me?
I was recently invited to speak at at a conference to discuss the ways in which I live and “navigate multiple, sometimes conflicting identities” – as queer, femme, mixed race, transnational, and how said identities influence how I see “life on the margins.” The interesting part….I was invited as the “Latina” on the panel. I needed that part repeated. Me, as the resident Latina.Growing up I thought that I was half German half African American. The Latin aspect only emerged recently when I found my birth father and began talking with his older brother and my half brother. I can’t say that I even have a Latina-consciousness or that I have even really contemplated what that means to me.
I comprehend my gender identity – femme – so much better than my ethnic/cultural identity. I understand it and feel it in every fiber of my being. Being femme is just….its me, my center. I feel profoundly liberated by my femme-ness, precisely because it feels natural and innate without needing to be juxtaposed against something else – butch comes to mind or anything else along the spectrum for that matter. Now, the butch/femme community and the greater LGBT community…that is a bigger can of worms. Nevertheless on a micro level I make complete sense to myself, and really, that’s all that matters. Now, I should back up and qualify that – I didn’t always feel that way. There was a time when I didn’t posses the vocabulary or understanding that described me - ok I am going to leave that train of thought for another day. I digress. Point is I make sense of some of my various identities – femme – and others not so much.
Culturally, I understand and can process being mixed. The individual components rarely ever make sense though. And, honestly…I rarely ever force them to. I know where I belong in the mixed experience. In many ways “home” is far less complicated within the mixed community than any of the other communities that I am a part of.
So, what does it mean for me to be Latina?
Half the time I think that I know very little about what it means to be African American. I do understand the mixed experience – the hybridity. Since ethnic identities are societal/social constructs, can I really claim to be something that I know nothing about? Can culture really be reduced to cuisine, music, and cultural and artistic traditions mixed with a little geographic positioning? If that’s the case, anyone can learn to be any ethnicity of their choosing. I think not! I do think that ethnicity is something that begins as a communal experience that finds expression in individual identity. Hmm….I think I just figured out what I am going to talk about…..
I still have a bit of time to consider since the conference is in November. Nevertheless, I should probably get back to the program committee by mid-February since paper/panel submissions are due March 3rd.
The New Voter – MixedFolk Style
In mid-June of this year, SwirlPhilly hosted Philadelphia’s first official Loving Day events. We took a trip to the Franklin Institute for a viewin of their “RACE: Are we really so different?” exhibit. We also received permission to hold a discussion within the exhibit space. It was a great opportunity for us to share our impressions of the exhibit and how it fits into the legacy of Loving Day for us. Other topics included the fluidity and social construction of race and racial identities and the impact of being trans-national and mixed in U.S. society. We also talked about the marriage fight being waged across the country – same sex marriage. Swirl National released talking points just a few days before the event. Individual chapters have always bridged the gap between mixed and lgbt communities, and I am so very proud and excited that we are doing so in a more intentional way.
Another guest was the University of Maryland “News21 team” who were there to film our Loving Day events. They filmed our exhibit tour as well as the discussion. A few of us also had the opportunity to speak with them individual on the day of the event and a few weeks later. Chris and Nick came back to interview a few SwirlPhilly folk – three of us were chosen for the “Beyond Other” video segment.
WHO:
Chris Matthews, 25, is an M.J. candidate at the Philip Merrill College of Journalism. He has interned at Fox News Channel, the Mount Hope Monitor, washingtonpost.com and Salon.com. He has reported on the U.S. Congress, Bronx politics and a hostage standoff. Matthews aspires to be a foreign correspondent and has traveled widely, including seven-month stints in Paris and Australia, where he was a semi-professional lacrosse player. He received his B.A. in political science from Kenyon College in Ohio. Born in Houston but raised in Manhattan, he is a passionate fan of the Astros, Rockets and the N.Y. football Giants. He can be reached at Christopher.Matthews@news21.com
WHAT:
A team of 12 journalism fellows at the University of Maryland, including two visiting fellows from the University of Missouri and University of Texas at Austin, spent the summer of 2009 taking an in-depth look at how demographic trends are influencing American voting behavior and attitudes as part of News21, a national journalism program. In addition to reporting compelling stories, their goal was to experiment with innovative ways of presenting them. They were guided and edited by a team of experienced faculty and consultants.
So, check out the site, the Mixed Race Section and interviews by several mixed folk on “Beyond Other”, including four Swirlies!
I would love to hear from other mixed people who were raised in a caucasian household or who are trans-national. How does that influence the way you construct your identity?
“Family” Woes – Disappointed
I haven’t heard from my bio-father since the day after Thanksgiving. I haven’t heard from my bio-brother since the day before that. I’ve left two voice mail messages, but I am not going to keep calling. I am not even sure what to think about this.
I am disappointed and a bit hurt. I somewhat regret venturing down this path. To some degree it is easier not knowing the whereabouts of birth-family. It is surely easier than sensing lack luster interest from said birth-family after locating them.
I think my bio-father might be a bit upset that I did not meet with him over Thanksgiving weekend. Our plans changed and I thought it was for the best. It’s complicated. Yet, I get the sense that he isn’t taking it well. Actually, I am not sure how he is taking it, since I haven’t spoken to him in over two weeks. Can you tell that I am upset?
I know that it sounds cheesy, but I seriously question whether blood is thicker than water. Actually, I know it isn’t. Shared DNA doesn’t necessarily suggest the existence or possibility for f meaningful connections.
My bio-brother sent me a serious of odd texts last night. I think our life experiences are so vastly different, that relating is a struggle. This yet again confirms that environment is so much more influential than the genes we inherit.
I am probably placing too much pressure on this “reunion” but it is turning out nothing like I imagined it would.
….and the uncertainty continues.
My Hair Has Its Own Zipcode
This post has been stuck in my draft bin for quite some time. I have a habit of starting posts and getting distracted. Reading Light-Skinned-ed Girl’s entry about biracial hair made me think about how my hair has always played a central role in my struggle for identity.
I recently got my hair cut. Six inches. I am not sure what possessed me. I nearly cried. I have had long hair for as long as I can remember. It tends to be more manageable that way. However, ever so often I experience a lapse in memory where I forget how much of a disaster having short hair really is. Then, on an impulse, I decide to get my hair cut and it all comes back to me within an instant. I liken the results to “Whitney Houston in the 80s.”
I recently came upon a fabulous resource for mixed chicks hair. I devoured the site and went out the next day to find Mixed Chicks hair product. Sally Hair Supply didn’t have it. KMart didn’t have it. So, I stopped at Walmart. After searching through the hair care isle, I finally asked a walmart employee if they carried the product. Her answer was quite off-putting. She never actually answered my question. Very matter-of-factly she told me that I had ‘white hair’ and didn’t need that. She then directed me to Pantene and walked away. I am baffled that someone has the audacity to say such things to a complete stranger. Also, I didn’t know that Walmart hired hair-care specialists!
I had long, voluminous (read – frizzy) hair as a child. My hair was fine, but I sure had a lot of it. Combing it was a battle my mother and I waged every morning. I usually lost and ended up in tears. Nevertheless, my mother always seemed to figure out a way to control it. Unfortunately, my dad was not as talented, even though he tried. One weekend, while my mother was away visiting friends, my dad took me to get my hair cut. He became so frustrated with my mop, and thinning it out seemed like the only logical solution. I was game – “Yay, something new.” I came to regret it almost instantly. My mom tried to salvage it, but to no avail. The only solution was cutting it all off. Within minutes, all of my hair was gone, with the exception of one long, thin reminder of what used to be.
The struggle to make sense of my dual heritage has been wrapped up in my quest to tame my hair. Or, is it the other way around? Growing up, I was the little girl with the unruly hair, with pony tails that looked more like two chia pets. My mother really didn’t know what to do with my hair. She braided it. She pulled it together. No matter what, it was always a mess. After the fiasco with thinning it out and then chopping it off, it was a complete disaster. I had an incredible fro for quite some time. Once it grew out again, the battle continued.
Growing up, my mom got perms on a regular basis. I never understood why she actually would want curly hair. I suppose that people always what they don’t have. I wanted nothing more than to have straight, manageable hair.
We tried at-home relaxers that did little more than burned my scalp and left my hair completely fried. The leave-in conditioners for African hair left my hair weighed down and gooey. I even ironed my hair once – with a clothing iron. My life felt as unmanageable as my hair was.
I always equated manageable hair (read straight hair) with a manageable life. I never thought that my life could be manageable with curly hair. I realize how absurd this is now. After all, there are plenty of people with manageable and beautiful curly hair. I always admire them from afar. I wish that my hair could be that beautiful. I have become more comfortable over the years with my hair. I have even come to embrace my curls to an extent. Although my hair is curly and more unmanageable in its current, short state, I still enjoy wearing it natural. I am learning to love my curls.
Ever so often, I still fall back into old behaviors and thought pattern. Case in point: I was getting ready for a job interview a few weeks ago. Since I had to get up fairly early the morning of the interview, I spent the night before planning out what I was going to wear and which bag I was going to take with me. I printed out extra copies of my resume and made sure to stock my wallet with business cards (never know who you meet along the way). I set (and checked) my alarm and made sure that I had the right train schedule. Yes, I am a bit neurotic. I also washed my hair so that it would be try by morning, making it much easier and quicker to straighten. It did not occur to me until I was on the train, that I had never worn my hair naturally curly to an interview.
Although I no longer equate my curly hair to unmanageably of my life, I wonder if I will ever truly feel comfortable. Some days I feel ok (even content at times). Nevertheless, there are more times than I would like to admit where I just want to crawl under the covers and pretend that my hair isnt really complicated.
And the journey goes on…..
Update: New Miss Switzerland Gets Racist Attacks
As I previously reported, there was much controversy around Whitney Toyloy winning the Miss Switzerland pageant. Several critics questioned her preparedness for the role and responsibilities under the crown due to her age. Others questioned whether a bi-racial woman could actually represent Switzerland, that she did not reflect what it meant to be Swiss.
Several news reports indicate that she has received racist attacks, but the statement from the National Swiss Party – Langenthal is particularly direct. I can translate the entire article if there is a demand for it, but I would like to draw your attention to one particular segment of the report:
Obwohl wir in der Schweiz zahlreiche Schweizerinnen mit eidgenössischen Wurzeln haben, treten Jahr für Jahr Frauen mit Migrationshintergrund an, welche dann immer die multikulturelle Schweiz repräsentieren wollen.
Although we in Switzerland have numerous Swiss women who have native roots, year after year more women with migrant backgrounds appear, who always want to represent multicultural Switzerland (emphasis added).
and further….
So haben wir auf dem ersten wie auf dem zweiten Platz je eine Person, die keine Schweizer Wurzeln hat. Und diese Personen sollen die Schweiz repräsentieren? Sie verkörpern nicht die Schweiz – sie verkörpern die Welt.”
So, we have–in first as well as in second place–a person without Swiss roots. And these individuals are supposed to represent Switzerland? They do not embody Switzerland – they embody the World.
and one more time….
Nein, sie verkörpern nur das Geschwür, welches die freie, unabhängige Eidgenossenschaft bereits am Auffressen ist.
No, they only embody the ulcer that the free, independent Confederation is already devouring.
Clearly, antiquated notions of what Europe should look like are clashing with what Europe actually DOES look like, and the “natives” are getting restless! What makes these attacks even more ridiculous is that Switzerland is composed of a plethora of cultures.
The Private Club a.k.a. Black America
For eight years I have knocked on Black America’s door in hopes that someone would let me in. Instead, I keep getting a “thanks but no thanks” card in the mail. I have forged several meaningful friendships with women of color si nce I moved to America. However, I am disappointed with my interactions with most black people since I moved to America. I am disappointed in constantly having to justify and defend my blackness. realize now that I came here with extremely unrealistic expectations, that have influenced my reactions to these situations.
I have sought comm unity all my life. In coming to America, I thought that I could finally be a part of a community. Little did I know how very disjointed and fragmented black America really was. I did not know that the shade of your skin (and to some degree the circumstances in which you are raised) dictates whether you are considered a part of. I was not prepared for the rejection, and even eight years later, I am caught off guard by some comments, questions and assumptions.I am often asked “what are you mixed with?” When I respond that my birthfather is African American, I usually receive perplexed looks, as I clearly do not reflect their image of what a black and white biracial person should look like. Some go on to ask whether I have confirmed that my birth father is black….”perhaps he is actually Hispanic.” Nevertheless, yesterday was a first for me. During a conversation with some friends over drinks, I was asked how I felt about passing for white. What stunned me most was the phrasing of “since you pass.” What would make someone assume that I was taken back by the matter of factness of her assumption that I have the “privilege” of passing as white. I am sure that my friend did not intend to offend, but it stung nonetheless. I can no more reject my blackness than I can my whiteness, as they compose the two haves that make me a whole person.
Comments and questions that attempt to force the recipient to , continues to underscore the exclusionary attitudes and behaviors prevalent within the black community. It also speaks to the fact that people of color continue to “other” and marginalize each other based on arbitrary aesthetic demarcations as to what is and is not considered a person of color.
While I under
stand that group dynamics naturally dictate membership based on degrees of inclusion and exclusion, the manner in which these dynamics materialize within black America is perplexing. As black America continues to exclude those of us who are biracial, bicultural, or mixed from full, legitimate membership, it sends a message that true diversity is not desired within the black community, or at least diversity that falls outside certain parameters. In essence the black community has internalized race oppression and repression, thereby creating its own internally marginalized and excluded population.
Regardless how light or dark our skin tone is, those of us who are multicultural or mixed, have just as much of a right to be a part of black America. The ways in which we experience oppression and alienation might take on different dimensions, but the fact remains that we experience them due to the color of our skin. I just never expected to be marginalized or ostracized by other people of color.
I clearly do not believe this is hard and fast., that everyone in the black community subscribes to this viewpoint. I have only rece
ntly built relationships with other Black people where I do not feel like I am under a constant microscope or constantly need to justify my blackness. I value their friendship and have learned tremendously from them. They have provided me with incredible insight and have helped me along my journey.
It became crystal clear to me last night, that as long as Black America operates like a fraternity, vetting and rejecting those who do not meet arbitrary and elusive exclusionary criterion, that door is never going to open.
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