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Really, it is that scary!
Welcome to Kathrin’s somewhat bumpy trip down memory lane of traumatic needle episodes!
Trypanophobia – an irrational and often intense fear of hypodermic needles or injections – though it is often incorrectly called belonephobia, a name which simply denotes fear of pins or needles, without referring to the medical aspects.
Blood, sweat and tears….literally! Being within 50 feet of a needle puts me into a panic. Just thinking about them sends my pulse through the roof.
The back story is quite complicated, made murky as I only remember bits and pieces, so bear with me. I think much of it stems back to when I was 8 or 9 years old. My dad and I used to go to this military clinic in Germany every couple of months for testing. I don’t remember specifically why I was having the tests done, but it had something to do with my bone structure. The reason really isn’t pertinent to the story. Every time was traumatic, but the very last appointment took the cake. I remember the lab tech continually missing my vein. I remember my dad getting angry. I remember being hysterical. I remember my dad yelling. I remember the look on the lab techs face. I remember leaving. And…that’s all she wrote! Since then I have had major issues with needles. Ok, well…full stop! I remember getting my tonsils out when I was 6 or 7 and wanting to go home with the IV still in my hand. It was a huge to do for them to touch by hand. Full blown fit ensued!
My phobia grew from there. Most doctors and dentists that I have encountered since then have been patronizing, condescending and quite impatient with me. Some of them told me to suck it up, to act my age even. None of that has been extremely helpful in managing my phobia let alone helping me move beyond it.
Several years ago I thought about addressing this issue in therapy. I initially started therapy because of The Ex. Talking to someone helped me begin to see how damaging that relationship was and ultimately helped me cope (and not react) when she pulled her final power play. After several months it felt like I was moving on, so I decided to use my therapy time wisely. We had some initially discussions about my fear of needles. I remember the day I began to tell her the back story and her response….”this doesn’t make you a whip…it makes you a special needs patient.” Well…the walls went up and that was all she wrote! Being characterized a special needs patient felt worse than being considered a wimp…at least in my mind.
I ended up researching this phobia even after I stopped going to therapy. I am a combination of associative and resistive, save for the fact that I don’t have any violent responses to needles. Flight yes, fight no! I am not really sure what exactly I am afraid of. I am not afraid of pain per se (well we shall revisit this in another post). I can deal with immunizations and injections. I dealt with Depo several yrs ago to regulate my cycle. I can even psych myself up for the dentist. However, IVS and giving blood…hot mess!
I finally got up the nerve to schedule my annual exam WITH labs. A lot of recent discussions motivates me to finally take that step. I rarely ever avoid my annual check up, but the lab component has always been more complicated. So, I did the bravest thing I knew how….I scheduled it for when the Medic is in town. I already thought about what excuse I could come up with to get out of it. I know the Medic won’t let me, but still….the thought crossed my mind! How the hell do I get out of this?!
So here is the question – do I want her to hold my hand or if possible, do I want her to do it? I have no relationship or track record with a lab tech at my doctors office (since I haven’t had blood work done in four years…maybe more), so that is going to make me nervous. So, who I trust more is a given. However, if she is doing it, then she can’t hold my hand. Yeah the rational part of me thinks this thought process is absolutely absurd!
Thoughs?
Breaking through..
TDP has been quiet for a while, but I am definitely back. I’ve been battling some writer’s block. Work has been incredibly busy. Salsa is also taking up a good portion of my time, especially now that I am committed to the Spring 2010 Showcase.
So, here is a little run down of where Kathrin has been and why TDP took a bit of a mini-vaca:
Work
I just celebrated my first year at NSC. We have accomplished a lot in that first year. Nevertheless, many things have still been left undone and year two will be packed with new fundraising, outreach and advocacy initiatives. Some exciting things are in the works and I will be sure to share them with you as soon as they are cleared for release.
Simple Living
I moved out of my old apartment in NE Philadelphia and now call Center City Philadelphia home. I sold a lot of my furniture in the process and sorted through dozens of boxes of belongings. The purge was liberating – truly! It’s amazing how much free time I have now – no more 2+hours of daily commute time. My commute these days is 15 minutes door to door.
Healthy Living
I finally have my act together health living wise. Since starting salsa I have shed almost 50lbs (since starting weight watchers about 40lbs). I have tons more energy and just feel better all the way around. Everyone says they can see it in my face. I shall take their word for it, because I can’t tell.
Salsa
I have been taking salsa classes at Estilo Dance Studio for several months now and am completely hooked. I am finally at that point where I can let go enough to feel the music versus just focusing on the steps. I am officially committed to performance class. We are really getting into the choreography, and I am shocked that we are only 23 seconds into a 3 minute routine. I am up for the challenge though. This is going to be kick ass!
Family
My dad comes home in 5 days. He has been stationed abroad for 2 years. Time did not go by as fast as I wanted it to, but the important thing is that he is home. I will be spending 4 days with my family in Florida. It’s good to have the entire family together again for Christmas. Last year felt all wrong! I will be sure to post lots of photos and even some video clips. My camera and Flip will be coming with me…..along with my laptop of course. I don’t expect to be on too much, but will update periodically.
My sister joined the Army a few weeks ago. It’s a great move for her. She is at her unit today getting fitted for her uniform. She leaves for basic training in March, followed immediately by specialized training – paramedic - and won’t be home until sometime in September. My mom gets the sense that she will petition to go active once everything is said and done. This raises the likelihood of her deployment, but we will cross that bridge when we get there.
SwirlPhilly
SwirlPhilly has been a bit silent with work picking up and my recent move. But, I am happy to announce that we are back on track. Our Holiday Happy Hour is Monday, December 21 at Rum Bar. Please join us! Several new people are attending, so it should be a fun crowd! We will also be talking about upcoming events and activities….and fundraising (I have been exploring a few possibilities).
Someone New
There is definitely something brewing. It’s sweet and gentle, yet rough around the edges. I will definitely write more about this once some boundaries are set and I figure a few things out. I will probably post more regularly about this under the privacy filter. Hit me up off-line for the password. It is unexpected to say the least, but the timing could not be more perfect. For now, let’s just say that I am really content!
….more to come! Happy Hump Day!
NaBloWriMo Day 9: On the Move and Making it Happen
I haven’t been extremely successful in posting regularly for NaBloWriMo. I am up against deadlines at work (way past the deadline actually), and writing anything is the last thing on my mind by the time I settle in for the night.
I am grappling with how I am going to document my journey to healthy and simpler living. The – one post per day for NaBloWriMo – isn’t quite working with my schedule. I seem to have fallen into a blogging rut as of late. I need to find my groove again.
Nevertheless, I have been getting some comments and questions regarding my quest for simpler and healthier living. The nutrition part of my quest is a bit bumpy – $40 a week is quite a challenge. Yet, I must say that the exercise part of my journey is right on point. I prefer using the term “moving’” over exercise…semantics, I know! Anyway, I am moving more than I have in a long time.
So, what works for Kathrin, you ask? Well…you are in luck today, because I am up for a bit of sharing. My weekly routine has really hit an awesome groove. There is a lot of daily and weekly consistency, with enough variety and entertainment to keep me coming back. So, let me break it down for you:Daily:
- walk Samson 45 minutes every morning and 30 minutes every night
- Weight Watchers Online – I journal my eating and moving every single day and weigh in every Friday morning
- Weight Watcher’s Abs for Beginners every evening (least favorite part of my week)
- drink lots of water 40-48 fl oz a day (water, crystal light, herbal tea…all count – caffeine is the big no no)
Weekly:
- Tuesday – Salsa Class @ Estilo and The Reef Salsa Night
- Thursday – Salsa and Bachata Class @ Estilo and (on rare occasions) a trip to Club Adecc0
- Friday – Brasil’s Salsa Night
- Saturday – Salsa Class @ Estilo and Brasil’s Salsa Night
Sundays are my day off. I still walk Samson and eat sensibly, but I hit pause on everything else.
After years of struggling, I have finally found a combination of healthy eating and moving that keeps me entertained and fulfilled. I can’t put enough emphasis on the fact that my current regime keeps me entertained. In the past, as soon as boredom kicked in so did giving up. Yeah, I am like a 5 year old when it comes to moving and eating right. If there isn’t anything shiny and sparkly, it will most likely not keep my attention for very long.I am in week five of Weight Watchers and week six of Salsa. Classes at Estilo Dance Studio have been such a huge part in this shift for me. I have definitely been sucked into the salsa vortex. I need to take a pause and say that I love everything about Estilo – the environment, fellow students and most definitely the instructors. I also appreciate their solid brand. There is strong continuity between the image they project while promoting at various venues throughout Philadelphia and the culture then are fostering in the studio. Most important – I feel amazing when I take classes and dance, and have gotten to know some really awesome people! Both of these things are truly priceless!
Since starting salsa I have lost 29.5lbs. Since starting Weight Watchers I have lost 19.4lbs. YAY me! My weekly weight loss started off really high in those first two weeks and am now am down to a healthy weekly weight loss of between 1.5 and 3lbs.
Once I move, I may include Mon and Wed at ShapeGirl Fitness or I may join Fitness Works for the winter months. Fitness Works is definitely more convenient since Estilo is located in the same building. ShapeGirl is in far South Philadelphia (near Oregon Avenue). I really liked the class I took there, but it is a bit out of my way. My new place is close to the Schuylkill river path. Once the weather gets warmer again I will take Samson out there more for a run. Yeah, you heard right…running! I am on the Weight Watcher’s Running for Beginners plan. I think Samson loves it more than I do at this point though. I was hoping to run the next Mother’s Day Breast Cancer event next Memorial Day weekend, but I will be in NYC for Salsa Congress.
This weekend rocked! I went salsa dancing with several people from my classes on Friday and Saturday night. Samson and I went on several long walks and the weather was just gorgeous! If that wasn’t enough, three really fabulous things happened:
- I fit into my Lane Bryant Size2 jeans. It has been almost a year since that was possible. They are a little snug, but that won’t last too long.
- I am feeling more and more comfortable on the dance floor. I danced with someone I haven’t danced with since my first week of classes and he said something super sweet.
- My instructor noticed that I had lost weight
oh…ok, so there were four things that happened this weekend:
- I re-connected with an old friend and we are going out on a date on Thursday evening after my bachata class. She moved away for a while, but recently moved back to Philadelphia.
To that effect, my Monday went off without too much of the Monday blues and SEPTA is acting right again! So, I am calling it a day and meeting my friend Jess at Vango. Neither of us have ever been and she doesn’t want to go alone. Glad that I didn’t remove my practices shoes from my bag.
Until next time….
NaBloWriMo Day 1: 30 Day Experiment on Healthy Eating on a Tight Budget
Ok…yeah, a bit late but I am doubling up today!!
I have struggled with my weight as long as I can remember. I nurtured my love affair with food from an early age. Although moving around (dad was/is military) has helped me to adapt to changes, it also turned me into an introvert in many ways. Food became my security blanket. It surely was a constant in my life.
I’ve tried every diet – Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, LA Weight Loss, not eating, liquid diets, Dr. Adkins,…you name it. I have always felt the most balanced and happy on Weight Watchers. I joined the Weight Watchers track again last Friday.
On my first weigh in I lost 13.4lbs.
On my second weigh in I lost 1.2lbs.
On my third weigh in I lost 1.3lbs.
While I the WW platform seems to work for me, the meetings don’t. My weekly schedule is just too erratic. I would never be able to commit to the same meeting each week. So, I am going with the online option.
I am keeping it really simple – cutting out sugars and take out, switching to whole grain and drinking more water, and most importantly focusing on moving more.
I have been wrestling with how I am going to document this journey. A weight loss journal is rather BLAH! So, while contemplating the greater implications of my struggles to lose weight it came to me. I have read dozens of articles (and had even more conversations) about the cost burden of eating healthy. It can be cheaper to eat junk than maintain a health, balanced diet.
So, as part of my NaBloWriMo committment, I am going to explore how feasable it is to eat healthy on a strict budget. I usually spend $50-75 a week on groceries. For the next month I am going to spend $40 a week on groceries.
So the question is – how am I going to measure success? I know that I can shop within this budget constraint, but the question is, can I do so while feeling fulfilled? So, here are the variables:
- within $40 a week
- enjoyment
- filling
- variety
- balanced meals
- items from current pantry stock I will calculate cost and *them in order to distinguish between newly purchased item
So….here we go!
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