The Diversity Projekt
Empowerment for All People of Color
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Archive of "Community" Category
Intentions and Dimensions of Belonging
Anyone who has been around TDP for a while, knows that I struggle a lot with finding a real, meaningful sense of community. I don’t always feel like I belong. I’ve always felt not quite a part of, floating on the margins. I am transnational – German and American. I am a military kid. These things complicate how the world seems me and how I perceive that I fit into the world. My family is no exception to that. I look different than the rest of my family. They are white. I am not. Although we rarely if ever speak of the elephant in the room, there is no denying that. TDP’s recent crisis of identity has a lot to do with my not wanting to hurt my family, nor do I want to alienate them through my words. Nevertheless, I can only speak to my experiences growing up and how they have and continue to impact my quest for self. Their perceptions of certain events often differ from mine. That doesn’t make either of our experiences more or less valid. I think sometimes parents don’t want to see certain things and I think children often process events and experiences differently. The lenses through which we view the world are often very different.How I see myself within my own family is no exception. Aesthetics are the most obvious. I knew that I didn’t look like my parents or sister from a young age. The elephant in the room was glaring to everyone including my family, but no one really talked about it more than one or two times. This had a profound impact on my identify formation, my sense of self. For good or bad, I have grown comfortable living in-between various worlds. While I share many of the same values as my family, an ideological divide has grown over the years. I am queer and left leaning (hell, I am almost horizontal). We have different ideas about fairness, justice, race, class, gender,…..privilege. My mother often dismisses my positions by making some sort of generation/age statement….as if my almost 30 years on the planet haven’t given me the right to form equally valued opinions about the world around me. Again….different does not equate to of more or lesser value.
My bi-cultural, transnational identity is probably the most complicated and murky of my interlocking identities. Depending on which site of the ocean I am standing on (or with whom I am speaking), I am either too German or too American. The notion that both can co-exist equally at the same time seems unfathomable to some, even to me at times. I often feel myself pressured to choose, or even more painful, having to defend one or the other. I am equally protective and defensive (and apologetic) about both. Perhaps it wasn’t just me that was different, but my entire family. I always felt that it was much easier for my sister to fit into both worlds, despite her linguistic barrier. People are less likely to challenge her German-ness. Clearly I don’t fit the image of a stereotypical German. It has taken me a long time to begin to come to terms with my mixed-race identity. It’s something I struggle with today.
It is disappointing that while I feel a part of several communities that are dear to me, I am most affected by the communities (and people) who have rejected me. I am not sure if my bio-father disappearing constitutes his rejecting me. I am not exactly sure what happened back then. Nevertheless, his current behavior definitely feels like rejection. How can you know that your child is out there (and know how how to find her), yet make absolutely no effort to connect? How can you have more regard for the children of the women you date than for those you have a biological connection to? Can you sense my anger? I realize that DNA isn’t enough to build a true foundation on, but it should be enough for some kind of meaningful contact…..a card maybe?! I hate to admit it but, he has caused more upheaval and trauma in my life over the last 2 years than in the previous 28.
I don’t really believe in new years resolutions. Every new day is an opportunity for re-birth and change. Nevertheless, as I am turning 30 this year, I did set a few goals for myself. Instead of focusing on where I feel like I don’t belong, I want to make more of an effort to accept the many ways I am valued and accepted in my life. Although it may not seem overtly obvious all the time, I am a part of several meaningful and vital communities. Although I am from the other side of the Atlantic, I feel very much apart of the Black German community here in America. I identify more with their alienation than the alienation of my cohorts in Germany. Although it is complicated, I am certainly more accepted here.
I feel extremely blessed to be part of the Swirl family. It’s one of the only communities in my life where I don’t feel pressure to identify or define myself. In fact, I am not sure if any of us have actually asked each other the million dollar question – “What are you?” It is such a relief to just be accepted, regardless of my “makeup”. I have the opportunity to help other mixed-folk feel good about their diversity – creating a community that I did not have growing up. I want mixed-kids to develop a positive self-image and feel proud of their mixed heritage.
As of late I also feel very strongly connected to “my” butch-femme community. I say “my” bf community because I am not sure if there is one bf community per se. It’s a community of my own choosing, woven together not necessarily by geography but by shared values, ethics and mutual respect and adoration. While I have been femme as long as I can remember, this community aspect of my life is new and I haven’t really wrapped my mind around it sufficiently. So stay tuned as there is definitely more to come on this. Nevertheless, I think it represents a powerful model for community formation. It’s intentional, organic, and profoundly life-altering. I can’t wake up tomorrow and choose not to be American or German. I am not saying that I want to stop being one or the other. That’s not the point that I am coming to. However, the expectations, pressures, stereotypes and preconceived notions that come along with those identities are not of my own making. It has taken me years to feel empowered as a mixed-chick. Mind you, I say mixed chick…..not as German or American. I find beauty and joy in my mixedness. It’s the only way I actually make sense, how the world makes sense to me. The journey through which I came to consciousness about my mixed identity was very intentional and organic. Hmm, perhaps that is what it is all about.
Philly Salsa Community United for Haiti!!
So I am sitting here in my warm apartment tonight contemplating the last time I was out dancing – Brasil’s, Cuba Libre, The Reef…anything. It has been weeks.
I am in full winter hibernation mode.
It never fails. I get this way every year after the holidays. After all of the commotion of the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, I hit a lull. I become a complete homebody.
Can I just say that the timing is bad this year. I have dance rehearsal twice a week for April’s Estilo performance. I haven’t kept to my standard weekly dance schedule since I went home to Jax for Christmas.
Salsa is my therapy. The Medic can attest to how much I wig out when I don’t get my fix. Nevertheless, the power of hibernation has won over for the last few months.
I am back into the swing of things as of tomorrow night:
- Tues, 630pm-730pm salsa
- Thurs, 630pm-930pm salsa/bachata
- Fri, 9pm Brasil’s or Cuba Libre
- Saturday, 1030am-230pm rehearsal and salsa
- Saturday, 9pm Brasil’s
- Sunday, 1-3pm dance rehearsal
Speaking of dancing….if you like salsa, bachata, merengue, etc. and want to make a difference in the lives of Hatians who have been impacted by the earthquake, check out an upcoming event at Brazil’s:
Date: Thursday, Feb. 11th
Time: 9pm-2am
Location: Brasil’s Nightclub
(112 Chestnut St. Phila., PA)
Join Us As Our Salsa Community Unites! Here’s your chance to help those affected by the recent events in Haiti, all while doing what you love to do most!DJs United: DJ Jay Rockwell, DJ La Clave, DJ Jose Rodriguez, DJ Jose Maldoado; Salsa Lesson by: Vikki Woods & “Big” George Dennis; Also Featuring Great Raffles and Special Live Performances!
All DJ’s and Instructors have donated their time for this event and 100% of the proceeds will go to the relief effort on behalf of the Salsa community.
Admission: Requested $10 donation (The beneficiary chosen is the American Red Cross). YOUR DONATION DOUBLED!!! Jones New York has generously agreed to match any donations made from our fundraiser, so whatever you can give, it will be doubled!
Jeans & Shoe Donations Needed! We will also be accepting new and gently worn jeans and shoes for the people in Haiti the night of the fundraiser.
More info on Charity Organizations and their help with Haiti:
American Red Cross
Soles4Souls
Teens For Jeans
(Aéropostale Store will donate one brand new pair of jeans for every pair of donated jeans!)
Latina? Who, me?
I was recently invited to speak at at a conference to discuss the ways in which I live and “navigate multiple, sometimes conflicting identities” – as queer, femme, mixed race, transnational, and how said identities influence how I see “life on the margins.” The interesting part….I was invited as the “Latina” on the panel. I needed that part repeated. Me, as the resident Latina.Growing up I thought that I was half German half African American. The Latin aspect only emerged recently when I found my birth father and began talking with his older brother and my half brother. I can’t say that I even have a Latina-consciousness or that I have even really contemplated what that means to me.
I comprehend my gender identity – femme – so much better than my ethnic/cultural identity. I understand it and feel it in every fiber of my being. Being femme is just….its me, my center. I feel profoundly liberated by my femme-ness, precisely because it feels natural and innate without needing to be juxtaposed against something else – butch comes to mind or anything else along the spectrum for that matter. Now, the butch/femme community and the greater LGBT community…that is a bigger can of worms. Nevertheless on a micro level I make complete sense to myself, and really, that’s all that matters. Now, I should back up and qualify that – I didn’t always feel that way. There was a time when I didn’t posses the vocabulary or understanding that described me - ok I am going to leave that train of thought for another day. I digress. Point is I make sense of some of my various identities – femme – and others not so much.
Culturally, I understand and can process being mixed. The individual components rarely ever make sense though. And, honestly…I rarely ever force them to. I know where I belong in the mixed experience. In many ways “home” is far less complicated within the mixed community than any of the other communities that I am a part of.
So, what does it mean for me to be Latina?
Half the time I think that I know very little about what it means to be African American. I do understand the mixed experience – the hybridity. Since ethnic identities are societal/social constructs, can I really claim to be something that I know nothing about? Can culture really be reduced to cuisine, music, and cultural and artistic traditions mixed with a little geographic positioning? If that’s the case, anyone can learn to be any ethnicity of their choosing. I think not! I do think that ethnicity is something that begins as a communal experience that finds expression in individual identity. Hmm….I think I just figured out what I am going to talk about…..
I still have a bit of time to consider since the conference is in November. Nevertheless, I should probably get back to the program committee by mid-February since paper/panel submissions are due March 3rd.
Check out ‘Blended Nation’ – Support Swirl!
Please save the date and come to the November 12th event in NYC! Swirl’s founder and executive director, Jen Chau, is featured in the book (Blended Nation) and she will be on a panel with the authors for a talk and book signing.
ALSO FYI – no matter where you are, between November 10th and 12th, we are having a “Swirl Bookfair” with Barnes and Noble. This means that on those days, if you log onto www.barnesandnoble.com/mybookfair, buy books and use a code (10043867), part of the proceeds go to Swirl!
Hope to see you at the NYC event if you are in town!
New York City
Thursday, November 12
Barnes & Noble Booksellers (TriBeCa)
97 Warren St (b/w Greenwich & West St)
7:00pm
(Talk and signing)Unfortunately I will be unable to make it, but I AM purchasing a copy of the book! Please do the same! Your support enables Swirl to continue to offer special events and advocacy for diversity in American society.
That’s Not My Closet!
This is long overdue. I have had to process this a bit longer than usual, but now some things need to be said. I rarely pray over blog posts. I contemplate, meditate and mull over, but rarely do I actually pray over a post. Nothing else has allowed me to get past the anger.Some of you – readers who follow me on Twitter and those I talk to on a daily basis – will know about the recent incident at my church. I have mentioned it vaguely on Twitter, but I’ve had to sit with it for a while before talking or writing about it. The gist of it – after much reflection and some troubling interactions, I decided to stop attending The Well. While I am out in every other aspect of my life, being queer remains complicated when it comes to where I choose to worship (not to be confused with my personal sense of Faith – God and I are great). Yet over the last couple of months, I have grown increasingly uncomfortable and disturbed by being shoved into a closet not of my own making at church.
So, fast forward to a few Sundays ago – I was texting with a friend of mine from the Well. She asked if I was planning on attending that morning. My response “I don’t think I can go back. I am tired of being in someone elses closet.” Little did I know that my rather matter-of-fact comments would create a tidal wave of more disaster than I could have ever imagined. I don’t know specifics, but some sort of announcement was made by said friend about my decision in front of the entire congregation. I was selectively out at The Well. I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with that over the last six months and it contributed to my decision to stop attending. I received a frantic (and cryptic) voice mail from this friend immediately following, as well as a dozen un-friendings on FB and two marginally
sympathetic emails.Sidenote – I was a little irked at first that my exit was hijacked, but I wish everyone had an ally like her.
For the longest time I thought that remaining in an non-affirming church was the right thing to do. I thought that if every queer person left a non-affirming parish, it was like condoning the hateful theology. I don’t believe that anymore. Reality is that non-affirming churches are hurting people in the name of Christ and that is wrong. By remaining in such an environment means I have a hand in perpetuating that harmful behavior. That is something I refuse to do!
Put whatever spin on it that you like, but non-affirming churches are stepped in homophobia. While individually expressing their “love” for all of God’s children, they spew hate from the pulpit, likening queer folk to the deplorable acts of murders and pedophiles. My whole body cringed that day in church. I was in complete disbelief about what I had just heard, especially since just moments before the same person said he was glad I was at The Well. I can’t even sugar coat it anymore. I can’t make it sound pretty because it isn’t. Sure you can wrap it in a bow, say you love the person but reject the sin, but, my God, that is hateful! Hurting people in God’s name…I am sure there’s a commandment about that!
There seems to be a disconnect between scriptural message and the application thereof. Every message of Christ in the Gospels underscore his complete, absolute and unconditional love for all humans, regardless of disposition. Yet, the message from the pulpit towards LGBT individuals (and anyone that is different for that matter) is one of contempt and disgust.
I am not going to waste anyone’s time with a dissection of a handful of scriptural references often spewed completely out of context or some mind-numbing theological diatribe (but here are some great resources and Whosoever has a great book store). However, I will say this without reservation – a church that condemns queer people from the pulpit is culpable in the collective hate and destruction that supposed Christian communities hurl onto queer youths and adults. Thousands of queer kids are driven to suicide each year by the isolation and hate they experience in their lives – from their families, teachers, peers, and yes, their churches – from people and communities who claim to love and support them. These churches are equally responsible for the damage that causes. I am sickened that that churches foster such an environment of shame and hate that it forces wonderful, people into closets they would otherwise not be in. I began to feel like I was living in someone elses closet – someone elses space of shame and embarrassment.I refuse to live someone elses lie! I am neither ashamed nor embarrassed by my sexuality. No more or less than my hetero counterparts.
They may have queer friends, invite them into their lives, let them use their bathroom (sorry, I could not resist), but that does not excuse or negate the underlying prejudice. It doesn’t change the reality of the situation – the conditionality of acceptance, the separate and unequal status in their lives.
It is not my responsibility to make people feel good about their bigotry, to spin it so that it sounds less messy. This is a hate free zone. With that in mind, as you consider adding your comments to this post, know that only constructive, non defaming comments will be approved. Either add something constructive to the discussion or kindly walk away.If you are a Christian in a non-affirming church, I truly hope that you have a change of heart, that you rethink the prejudice, hate and damage you sign on to with that decision.
If you are a queer Christian who feels isolated and hurt, know you are not alone. Know that you are loved and cherished exactly how you are here on earth AND before God. Know that at the very least, you have a friend here with me!
Also – check out your local Lutherans Concerned. There are hundreds of Lutheran ELCA parishes that are fully accepting AND affirming of LGBT individuals and families. Rainbow Baptists provides a link for LGBT members within the Baptist communion. And, of course, there are thousands of Metropolitan Community Churches throughout the country. Whosoever Magazine is also a great online resource, providing a “safe and sacred space” for LGBT Christians.
I will be putting together a list of loving and affirming community resources under the “community links” tab. If you have any specific links that I should include, please leave a link and brief description in a comment.
Building Alliances, One Millenial at a Time
Today I would like to announce the launch of NonProfit Millenial Bloggers Alliance, a consortium of next generation leaders in the non profit world doing good for social change. I have participated in several consortium and working groups over the last decade. Some have been great and others not so much! This one is truly special! I was really excited when Alison Jones of Entry Level Living asked me to be a part of this new initiative. To be in the company of my peers, several of them colleagues, is quite amazing.
- Alison Jones, Entry Level Living, @ajlovesya
- Rosetta Thurman, Perspectives from the Pipeline, @rosettathurman
- James Elbaor, From the Desk of Jason Elbaor, @jameselbaor
- Elisa M. Ortiz, Onward and Upward, @emortiz
- Elizabeth Clawson, Nonprofit Periscope, @eclawson
- Trina Isakson, Trina’s Nonprofit Blog, @telleni
- Colleen Dilenschneider, Know Your Bone, @cdilly
- Tera Wozniak Qualls, Social Citizen, @terawozqualls
- Tracey Webb, Black Gives Back, @blkgivesback
- Kevin Gilnack, (Nonprofits + Politics)2.0, @kgilnack
I have followed many of them for quite some time and am am always learning new things from them. More than serving as a mere collective, I am interested to see how we forge partnerships, learn from each other and build capacity beyond our immediate group.
Be sure to add them to your google reader (or whatever blog bookmark that you are using)…and stay tuned!
Time Running Out for Another DreamActivist!
Without substantial intervention, Jorge-Alonso Chehade will face a difficult choice Friday morning. He will either get on a plane to Peru, a country that has become foreign to him, or he will choose to remain in the US to fight for the passage of the Dream Act and other young adults like him. Alonso is a Dream Activist – one of tens of thousands of young adults who came to the US as young children who undocumented. He has been courageously fighting is deportation, and time is up Friday morning. DHS is forcing him to leave the United States, a country that has been his home for more than 8 years.
I just got home from a Dream Activist PA meeting at Temple U. More than 10 students came together to learn about the Dream Act and how they can make a difference in the lives of students like Alonso. Two Dreamers attended, as well as Reagan Cooper of PICC (Pennsylvania Immigration & Citizenship Coalition). This meeting served as a great initial brainstorming session on how to grow the capacity of the PA movement – how to cultivate members, forge partnerships with community organizations, and gain the support of our local representatives across the state.
For extensive coverage of Alonso’s case and other Dream Activists, check out Citizen Orange!
Noise, Silence and Other Balancing Acts
Whoever said that silence is golden, was out of his or her mind!
For better or for worse, I am surrounded by noise almost every waking hour. Whether it is engaging with people at work, going out with friends, stuffing headphones in my ears, or constantly having some news program on at home (MSNBC is my preference), I am surrounded by noise at every turn. I find comfort in noise. I am not at all comfortable still or in silence. I have an incredibly difficult time shutting off my mind. I meditate regularly, but that is the only time I am able to slow my mind down and achieve something resembling mental calm.
That is, until I crawl into bed. My mind races as soon as my head hits the pillow. I think about everything I thought, said and did during the day. My mind goes into a tail spin. Instead of sinking into sleep, I am wide awake a revisit my day’s activities and the thousands of things I need to get accomplished during the next day.
Last night was just one of those nights. After a long week that seemed to never end, I decided to crawl into bed around 10pm. I barely finished watching Rachel Maddow. I had to will myself awake through the last 15 minutes. Then, my head hits the pillow and I was wide awake!
I tossed and turned for an hour. Left side of the bed, right side of the bed, and then to the foot of the bed! On my stomach. On my right side and left side. On my back. With blanket. Without blanket. Everything to no avail. I was wide awake. I finally got back up and sifted through my Google Reader. After another four hours of reading I felt tired enough to drift off. So the ritual began anew – turned TV off, closed porch screen, and off to bed I went. Samson even cuddled up with me. After another 30 restless minutes I was out.
Restless nights are a direct reflection of my stress level. To say the least, I am uber stressed right now, especially at work. NSC’s annual gala is coming up in 26 days and there is still so much to do. I have several free lance gigs on the table too with deadlines quickly approaching. I need to find new and/or better ways to de-stress. I need to work out more and to make better nutrition choices. You may be hearing more about my quest to practice a healthier lifestyle, my quest for balance.
And, then there is the most important thing – I am being more intentional about making my social life a priority, re-connecting with friends I have fallen out of touch with, meeting new people. After sitting on the dating and kink sidelines for more than two years (post about this to follow shortly), I recently got back into the game. The kink part is considerably more complicated and loaded. Nevertheless, earlier this summer I dated the lawyer. One date turned into 3 weeks. Ultimatley we’re too different and shared very few interests, hobbies and political opinions. In fact, she dislikes politics or any debate thereof, has little interest in investing herself in social justice causes and dare I say was apathetic toward sex. I noticed that even before we had sex. She didn’t even like talking about liked and dislikes. This is a massive deal breaker. She called me more than I called her, which probably is telling about my interest than anything.
Then came the series of first dates that didn’t go anywhere – the farmer, the mechanic, the coach and the one I still don’t know what she does exactly. She “works on things’. Can you tell the conversation was lively? There was no spark, no interests in common. Conversations felt forced and shallow. Definitely no chemistry, no desire to fuck on my part. Those are signs, neon flashing signs.
I have met all of these people via friends or friends of friends. One I even met at a networking event. So, I am going to try something new – online dating.
Stay tuned….
Embracing Diversity or Eroticizing Women of Color
Miss Belgium
I don’t quite understand the world’s fascination with beauty pageants – parading human beings around like property. Nevertheless, I stumbled upon the intro to Miss Universe 2009 on Sunday night. After a glance of Zeynep Sever, Miss Belgium and was curious to see who was representing the various other European nations present. Zeynep is originally from Turkey. She and her mother moved to Belgium when she was 12. After winning the title, she quickly found herself in the middle of a charged racial debate over whether a non-Belgian (read, not white) should be allowed to win the crown and represent Belgium at the Miss Universe or Miss World competitions. Because…well, we all know all Belgians have blond hair, blue eyes and are white, right?
Miss Switzerland
This same debate was playing itself out in other European countries. I discussed the controversy in several blog posts when Whitney Toyloy was crowned Miss Switzerland last fall. Many protestors argued that she could not adequately represent Switzerland, because she wasn’t actually Swiss. (Age was another lesser factor compared to her ethnic makeup.) She is of American, Chinese, Panamanian and Swiss heritage. Some even called for pageant officials to rename the competition “Miss Multiculti” to more ‘accurately’ reflect who was wearing the crown. This rests on the assumption that to be Swiss is the white, a narrow and highly inaccurate reflection of the actual demographics of the Swiss population.
In the same month, Avalon-Chanel Weyzig, who is half Indonesian, won the Miss Netherlands competition. She received far less brumtata about her win. The fodder took on a different dimension. A great deal of it focused on how exotic she is, that being ethnic gives her a particular edge over other contestants. One reporter went so far as to say that her look catapulted her within the top five likely contenders to win the crown. The response? Avalon received an increase in hits on a pageant betting site.
Miss Netherlands
Fast forward to December 2009 – Chloe Mortaud is crowned Miss France. She is French and African American, Creole in fact. France has crowned several black and mixed women over the last 10 years or so. Yet, there was still debate around her win. Prior winners from former French colonies. The rucus surrounding the current Miss France stems from her American roots. Race seems to be somewhat secondary, although there several off colored racial remarks posted to various list servs.
Miss France
All of this intrigues me. I am most intrigued by the comments left on various blogs and sites that announced these contest winners. Many comments are blatantly racist and xenophobic. “Why are foreigners representing [fill in the blank].” “The contest should be renamed Miss Multikulti” “Foreigners are taking over. We will be a Muslim country before you know it.” “I am not being racist….just protecting my culture.” ….and so forth!
So, is the fact that more European countries are awarding their highest pageant titles to mixedchicks a sign of a shift in the tide? Or, is it just another way in which white Europeans are choosing to eroticize women of color?
The Way of the Blogger
I am sure by now many of you have heard through the grapevine about PittGirl, a Pittsburgh blogger who has been writing anonymously for some time now. Her writing is witty and edgy, and has quickly become one of my top five daily reads. However, she recently outed herself and shut her site down. I don’t know the full story, but it appears that she chose to out herself before someone else did it for her. (That person should be ashamed of him or herself!) She was subsequently fired from her non profit job and is now getting all kinds of lovely hate mail from people who are hanging her out to dry. In reality, I think these nay-sayers are more upset because she is authentic and honest, and doesn’t feel compelled to apologize for it. Even when she was blogging anonymously, she still exuded this authenticity that is often lacking on the web. I am sure some people miss the mystique behind PittGirl, but honestly folks, her content still rocks!Her situation made me think about the degrees of transparency (and anonymity) I have gone through in my decade of blogging. Good grief, has it really been THAT long? Anyway, I have always been out of the blogging closet. However, all of my other closets were the problem. I initially only gave the world the parts of me I thought people would accept. I hid all of the other parts of me away in a deep dark place, under lock and key. Over the years I have let more of me show, to the point where today I embrace an extremely transparent and open me. There are very few things I keep to myself these days.
My parents are have always been a bit uncomfortable with how open I am in my blog, especially regarding my birth father and my sexuality. I don’t know how much that concern is based on safety, or if it has more to do with us disagreeing on the issues involved. I love my parents dearly, but we often find ourselves on the opposite side of the political spectrum.
I have one cardinal rule that I will not break under any circumstances – I will only tell my own story. Unless I have prior approval, I will not pull anyone else into my story.
I am thankful that she (her name is Ginny) is back up and running on That’s Church. I dig the new platform and cannot wait to see what she has up her sleve!
So….how transparent are you in your blogging? Are you in, out, or somewhere in between? How has this changed over the years, if at all?
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License
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