The Diversity Projekt

That’s Not My Closet!

October 17, 2009

This is long overdue. I have had to process this a bit longer than usual, but now some things need to be said. I rarely pray over blog posts. I contemplate, meditate and mull over, but rarely do I actually pray over a post.  Nothing else has allowed me to get past the anger.

Some of you – readers who follow me on Twitter and those I talk to on a daily basis – will know about the recent incident at my church. I have mentioned it vaguely on Twitter, but I’ve had to sit with it for a while before talking or writing about it. The gist of it – after much reflection and some troubling interactions, I decided to stop attending The Well. While I am out in every other aspect of my life, being queer remains complicated when it comes to where I choose to worship (not to be confused with my personal sense of Faith – God and I are great). Yet over the last couple of months, I have grown increasingly uncomfortable and disturbed by being shoved into a closet not of my own making at church.

So, fast forward to a few Sundays ago – I was texting with a friend of mine from the Well. She asked if I was planning on attending that morning. My response “I don’t think I can go back. I am tired of being in someone elses closet.” Little did I know that my rather matter-of-fact comments would create a tidal wave of more disaster than I could have ever imagined. I don’t know specifics, but some sort of announcement was made by said friend about my decision in front of the entire congregation. I was selectively out at The Well. I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with that over the last six months and it contributed to my decision to stop attending.  I received a frantic (and cryptic) voice mail from this friend immediately following, as well as a dozen un-friendings on FB and two marginally sympathetic emails.

Sidenote – I was a little irked at first that my exit was hijacked, but I wish everyone had an ally like her.

For the longest time I thought that remaining in an non-affirming church was the right thing to do. I thought that if every queer person left a non-affirming parish, it was like condoning the hateful theology. I don’t believe that anymore. Reality is that non-affirming churches are hurting people in the name of Christ and that is wrong. By remaining in such an environment means I have a hand in perpetuating that harmful behavior. That is something I refuse to do!

Put whatever spin on it that you like, but non-affirming churches are stepped in homophobia. While individually expressing their “love” for all of God’s children, they spew hate from the pulpit, likening queer folk to the deplorable acts of murders and pedophiles. My whole body cringed that day in church. I was in complete disbelief about what I had just heard, especially since just moments before the same person said he was glad I was at The Well. I can’t even sugar coat it anymore. I can’t make it sound pretty because it isn’t.  Sure you can wrap it in a bow, say you love the person but reject the sin, but, my God, that is hateful!  Hurting people in God’s name…I am sure there’s a commandment about that!

There seems to be a disconnect between scriptural message and the application thereof. Every message of Christ in the Gospels underscore his complete, absolute and unconditional love for all humans, regardless of disposition. Yet, the message from the pulpit towards LGBT individuals (and anyone that is different for that matter) is one of contempt and disgust.

I am not going to waste anyone’s time with a dissection of a handful of scriptural references often spewed completely out of context or some mind-numbing theological diatribe (but here are some great resources and Whosoever has a great book store). However, I will say this without reservation – a church that condemns queer people from the pulpit is culpable in the collective hate and destruction that supposed Christian communities hurl onto queer youths and adults.  Thousands of queer kids are driven to suicide each year by the isolation and hate they experience in their lives – from their families, teachers, peers, and yes, their churches – from people and communities who claim  to love and support them. These churches are equally responsible for the damage that causes. I am sickened that that churches foster such an environment of shame and hate that it forces wonderful, people into closets they would otherwise not be in. I began to feel like I was living in someone elses closet – someone elses space of shame and embarrassment.I refuse to live someone elses lie!  I am neither ashamed nor embarrassed by my sexuality. No more or less than my hetero counterparts.

They may have queer friends, invite them into their lives, let them use their bathroom (sorry, I could not resist), but that does not excuse or negate the underlying prejudice. It doesn’t change the reality of the situation – the conditionality of acceptance, the separate and unequal status in their lives.It is not my responsibility to make people feel good about their bigotry, to spin it so that it sounds less messy.  This is a hate free zone. With that in mind, as you consider adding your comments to this post, know that only constructive, non defaming comments will be approved.  Either add something constructive to the discussion or kindly walk away.

If you are a Christian in a non-affirming church, I truly hope that you have a change of heart, that you rethink the prejudice, hate and damage you sign on to with that decision.

If you are a queer Christian who feels isolated and hurt, know you are not alone. Know that you are loved and cherished exactly how you are here on earth AND before God. Know that at the very least, you have a friend here with me!

Also – check out your local Lutherans Concerned. There are hundreds of Lutheran ELCA parishes that are fully accepting AND affirming of LGBT individuals and families. Rainbow Baptists provides a link for LGBT members within the Baptist communion. And, of course, there are thousands of Metropolitan Community Churches throughout the country.  Whosoever Magazine is also a great online resource, providing a “safe and sacred space” for LGBT Christians.

I will be putting together a list of  loving and affirming community resources under the “community links” tab. If you have any specific links that I should include, please leave a link and brief description in a comment.

Tags: christianity, communtiy, fear, hate, homophobia, lgbt christians, no bull shit, persecution, semantics
Posted in: Diversity, Faith/Spirituality, LGBTQ Issues