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World Refugee Day 2010 - Crisis on the Horizon.... Tomorrow is World Refugee Day, a day on which we are called to remember the tens of millions of people around the world who have been displaced, forced...

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Empowering Parents to Prevent Bullying Have you ever been bullied? Chances are you or someone you know has been or currently is being bullied! While bullying isn't a new phenomenon, "Bullied...

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Disclaimer: Bugs are not my friend! I hate bugs! Everyone who knows me knows that. My first reaction to a bug that comes within five feet of me is a loud, slightly (possibly) obnoxious scream!...

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MixedChick in the Mountains Vol. 2 It's time for another incarnation of MixedChick in the Mountains, and boy do I have a story for you! I love federal employees. In fact, my father is...

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You Are Cordially Invited.....Update #1 (Transporation) Update #1 - Check out the transportation update below for those of you interested in coming in via train.... Welcome to You Are Cordially Invited..... Not...

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World Refugee Day 2010 – Crisis on the Horizon….

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 19-06-2010

Category : Activism, Diversity

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Tomorrow is World Refugee Day, a day on which we are called to remember the tens of millions of people around the world who have been displaced, forced to flee their home amidst ethnic, religious or political conflict!  Many remain displaced for years, even decades or generations, without an opportunity to safely return to their homes.

This year we also celebrate the 30th anniversary of the enactment of the Refugee Act of 1980, which established asylum, refugee admissions and resettlement systems in the United States, consolidating in a single regime its commitment to discharge the obligations it undertook by acceding to the 1967 Protocol relating to the Status of Refugees.

UNHCR was established in 1950 to protect refugees, to safeguard their rights and well-being. UNHCR not only provides life-saving assistance to refugees, but also serves as a vehicle through which refugees are able to seek asylum and/or more permanent refuge in another country if they unable to safely return to their home. UNHCR reported recently indicated that:

“43.3 million people were forcibly displaced worldwide at the end of 2009, the highest number of people uprooted by conflict and persecution since the mid-1990s. At the same time, according to the 2009 Global Trends report, the number of refugees voluntarily returning to their home countries has fallen to its lowest level in 20 years.”

Lavinia Limón, President and CEO of USCRI (US Committee on Refugees and Immigrants) recently noted in a World Refugee Day email:

“As we focus on refugees from around the world today, we must not forget those still languishing in camps,” said Limón. It may be hard to believe, but millions of refugees spend anywhere from 10 to 60 years—an entire lifetime—in a refugee camp. Today, there are over 8 million refugees warehoused in camps and settlements around the world. Palestinians, Burmese, Tibetans, Bhutanese, Sudanese, and the Sahrawi top the list of long-term refugee populations. Less than 1 percent of those refugees will ever get the chance to rebuild their lives in another country.”

Crisis on No One’s Radar

As we celebrate this significant milestone, we must also be keenly aware of the many conflicts that are continuing to displace innocent men, women and children — like the conflict that has been brewing in southern Kyrgyzstan that has already displaced 400,000 people! I had to dig on CNN.com before I found an article, same with the BBC, ABC, NBC or any other alphabet soup media outlet you’d like to fill the blank with. I shouldn’t have to dig several pages into major media sites to find only a mere blurb or mention of this conflict! UNHCR and the Red Cross are already on the ground reporting that refugees are quickly running out of even the most basic supplies. This new incarnation of a conflict that dates back to the 1990s, has the potential of not only undermining the delicate stability of Kyrgyzstan, but also of its neighbor Uzbekistan, as thousands of refugees flee across the border seeking safety from  Kyrgyz mobs. On June 19, CNN reports that the death toll could be considerably higher than initially estimated.

I know we are in the middle of World Cup and the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico is worsening every day. As the situation in the Gulf has taught us, we need to more fervently hold the media accountable for reporting these stories, despite the spoke and mirrors that often hinder us from obtaining vital information.

So today – remember the more than 40 million displaced individuals throughout the world, those who are being warehoused in camps with little hope of returning to their homes and those who are actively feeling ethnic and religious persecution.

What you can do!!!!

Give to UNHCR

Give of your time and talent to a local agency (check out USCRI network) that is helping refugees rebuild their lives

Share with a family member or a friend the struggles of refugees around the world and encourage them to give.

Empowering Parents to Prevent Bullying

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 18-06-2010

Category : Activism

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no-bullying-circle.jpgHave you ever been bullied? Chances are you or someone you know has been or currently is being bullied!

While bullying isn’t a new phenomenon, “Bullied to Death” is becoming all to common. I am not going to inundate you with statistics. Serge and Carmen have more than done their homework. Nevertheless, I felt compelled to respond to Carmen’s tweet when I saw it on my feed last week. Bullying has made the front pages of newspapers across the country at an alarming rate in recent years – children harming each other and themselves because they either felt empowered to bully others or were made to feel so insignificant that committing suicide became a viable solution.

This breaks my heart.

I remember being bullied once in school. We were stationed in Michigan at Selfridge Air National Guard Base just north of Detroit. I don’t remember her name or how it started but I do remember her constantly picking on me over my light skin and “white” hair. She taunted me and would yell ‘Don’t you think you are all that?’ She threatened to beat me up and cut my hair off. My parents always told me to take the high road and walk away – “toughen up”, “ignore it”, “don’t be so sensitive”.

No matter how much I tried to ignore her, the situation escalated to such a degree that I didn’t even want to go to school. Waiting for the bus was torture. I would make up illnesses only so that I didn’t have to go. Once she actually started hitting me, my dad told me to hit back.  I remember her coming at me, pulling my hear and shoving me. On my way down I punched at her but ended up grabbing hold of her lip. Blood was drawn. She ran away. A few hours later the base police came to our house. My dad backed me up and she never bothered me again.

Nevertheless, remains with you, sometimes even into adulthood. I dislike conflict. I often avoid it at all cost.

While I am not a parent (yet) I believe that parents are in the best position to advocate for their children – to keep them safe from bullies and to teach them the harm in bullying others. We can’t rely on school administrators and teachers to protect our children from bullying and other forms of student on student violence. While school safety is school administration mandate, parents are far better equipped to have a more significant impact.

So, if you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or are/wish to be a positive role model and person of influence to children in your community, this series is for you!

How to Prevent Bullying: A Parent’s Guide

By Sensei Serge Sognonvi and Carmen Sognonvi
Originally published at http://www.urbandojo.com/blog

Did you know that nearly 1 in 4 students in the United States experience some form of bullying?

It’s no wonder so many parents come to us at Urban Martial Arts with questions about how to prevent bullying.

Since June is Children’s Awareness Month — its goal is to make sure children are less exposed to violence and don’t grow up emotionally scarred — we thought this would be a good time put together a comprehensive series of articles on ways to stop bullying.

Over the course of this month, we’ll be publishing this 7-part series on how to prevent bullying:

Part 1: The 5 Essential Bullying Statistics Every Parent Should Know
Part 2: Effects of Bullying
Part 3: Why Do People Bully
Part 4: Bullying Warning Signs
Part 5: What To Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied
Part 6: What To Do If Your Child Is Bullying Others
Part 7: How Martial Arts Can Help Prevent Bullying

We hope you’ll find this series to be a useful resource on how to prevent bullying. And if you have any ideas or suggestions you’d like to offer, please do so in the comments section. We’d love your input!

Disclaimer: Bugs are not my friend!

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 07-06-2010

Category : The Medic, The Tundra

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I hate bugs! Everyone who knows me knows that. My first reaction to a bug that comes within five feet of me is a loud, slightly (possibly) obnoxious scream! So, i hate bugsyou can imagine that this may be a huge point of contention in my transition to mountain life. Uhh….yeah!

So…true story!

A few weeks ago (on my first visit to the Homestead), I was about to take a shower. I turn on the water, get undressed, open the curtain, and what did I see, a flying bug coming right at me. I think the Medic called it a bee. Honestly, I couldn’t have cared what it was but it was black with wings and was coming at me. So, naturally I screamed (see above disclaimer). I stuck my head out the door and yelled, “Baby….I need you!”

As the Medic made her way from the then bedroom (now dining and living room) she already had that “oh this should be interesting” smirk on her face (not that I know what that looks like or anything). I love that she humors me. What can I say, I am a city girl through and through. I can deal with rats the size of domestic felines, but get me near a bug and I can’t cope with life. You think I am kidding?!

She examined what had me all twisted and says “ummm…it’s a bee” to which I gave her my “baby, please kill it” look. Then, without a pause, she took one of MY heels and squished it. Like splat! While I was immensely appreciative of her heroic efforts, which were totally hot btw, I was puzzled as to why she felt the need to use MY heel to do the deed. What had my heel ever done to her? Hmm, wonder if I ever thanked her for cleaning my heal while I took a shower? If not….thank you baby!!

Ok, so it’s your lucky night…two for the price of one! Here is another:

Several years ago, when I still owned the house on Oakland Street (in Ghetto-lite as I used to call the neighborhood), I had two roommates, one of whom hated bugs as much or even more than I did. One night, at some ungodly hour, I  awoke to the loudest of shrieks. Mere seconds later my room door flew open and she flung herself on my bed. Under other circumstances this could have been interesting! She informed me that there was something crawling in the bathtub. Why she felt the need to tell me this of all people, I do not know, but nevertheless, she somehow talked me into “taking care of it”.

So, I did what anyone else in my position would do – I grabbed the plunger and bottle of Orange Glow on the floor near the door of the bathroom, slowly approached the bathtub and looked inside. Sure enough, there it was. A big, fat, nasty bug. Once again, I couldn’t tell you the species or whatever they call them. I proceeded to drown it in Orange Glow, but the fucker would not die. Noooo….it had to come after us. So, please imagine, Sarah screaming, me screaming (and dousing the bug with more Orange Glow) until it slowly stopped moving and turned belly up. SCORE!

While I felt accomplished I was also mildly disturbed and found it quite difficult to fall asleep that night. Slightly traumatizing nightmares of bugs followed….

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MixedChick in the Mountains Vol. 2

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 06-06-2010

Category : Pro-Migrant, The Tundra

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It’s time for ForeignerDoubleVisionanother incarnation of MixedChick in the Mountains, and boy do I have a story for you!

I love federal employees. In fact, my father is a federal employee. However, unlike my father, many federal employees are relatively lazy and grossly incompetent. There is this pervasive “coast” mentality. My dad has ranted about it on more than one occasion.

My turn….

The Medic and I got a lot accomplished last weekend while I was up in the Tundra. Since I had switched my car insurance from PA to NY, I had to get a photo inspection (piece of cake) and needed to switch my drivers license. Little did we know that I not only needed my passport, PA drivers license and resident alien card, but  social security card was also required. Puzzling, no? I mean, it’s not like your SSC is an actual form of identification. Primarily its a work authorization card, not a form of identification. I “lost” my SSC some time ago when my wallet was stolen a few years ago. So, off to the Social Security office we went.

The Medic and the Samsonator waited in the car while I went in for what I thought would be a fairly simple and painless process. Clearly, I was misinformed!

I walked up to the window with all necessary identification and executed document in hand, and the conversation went something like this:

  • Processor: Where’s your US passport?
  • Me: Ma’am, You have my resident alien card and my German passport. I am citizen of Germany.
  • Processor: Where is this you were born? I don’t recognize it. Is this in the US?
  • Me: Ma’am, that is in Germany. I was born in Germany and I am a German citizen but have a resident alien card. You have both form of identification.
  • Processor: Why do you want a social security card?
  • Me: I have had one, but can’t find it. I received it when I received my resident alien card. I need a replacement for employment purposes and to obtain a NY drivers license.
  • Processor: *long sigh and scratching her head” ….but you have a drivers license…
  • Me: Ma’am, I am relocating to NY and in order to carry NY car insurance I need a NY drivers license.
  • Processor: Where’s your work authorization documentation.
  • Me: Ma’am, I have an unrestricted resident alien card that does not require special work authorization. That’s the entire point behind a green card AND needing my social security card since I. only need those two forms of identification for work authorization.
  • Processor: “sigh” and some bumbling about “foreigner”

I wonder…was she referring to me, or the 80s glam band (who are still rockin it, btw)?!?

After a long period of silence, she launched into “Do you swear that the information have provides is the truth….penalty of bla bla bla”. I confirmed, retained my documentation and receipt, thanked the security guard for his assistance (very nice gentleman) and made my way out of there before saying something I would regret.

Perhaps I should get reimbursed for educating a federal employees  – whose job it is to process social security applications  – on US laws pertaining who has access to what type of social security card. I see a new freelance opportunity on the horizon!

Now, to be fair, I am often faced with this kind of ignorance in Philadelphia too.It isn’t something you are immune to in a major metropolitan city! I despise going into the USCIS office (thats the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) in Philadelphia and I have avoided getting a new Social Security Card precisely because of this type of ignorant treatment. Feel free to check out their site, but brace yourself for a brain freeze. It’s one hot mess and almost impossible to navigate for those of us who speak fluent English, let alone for individuals whose first language isn’t English. They really try to make it nearly impossible at every turn for the few of us who actually have the option and opportunity to navigate (if you want to call it that) within the bounds of “the law”.

Anyway…this was not meant to be a rant about the asinine clusterfuck that is our immigration system. I will save that for another day.

Nevertheless, I will one day follow through in obtaining my US Citizenship. I don’t have the little blue book because of a technicality, a glitch if you will. Both my birth father and my dad are natural born US Citizens. I missed the threshold of filing for Cert of Citizenship, so now I am left with no other recourse other than to chalk over a ridiculous amount of money for status that is my birthright.

While I hope to acquire US Citizenship while simultaneously maintaining my German status (special application pending…tick tock Berlin), reality is that one day in the not too distant future, the Medic and I will have children, US Citizen children. Despite my status, as long as marriage equality and the many protections to families that go along with that is not extended as a federal mandate/amendment, I would feel grossly limited in adequately protecting my family. If the Germans haven’t gotten their act in order at that point I would most likely forgo my German citizenship for my US. It would pain me greatly, but I would do it in the best interest of my family.

But….let’s cross that bridge when we have to though! For now, I am just muffled (only slightly at this point) by this woman’s ignorance and gross lack of professionalism and decorum.

You Are Cordially Invited…..Update #1 (Transporation)

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 04-06-2010

Category : Family, The Medic

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KathrinWeddingLocationPic1Update #1 – Check out the transportation update below for those of you interested in coming in via train….

Welcome to You Are Cordially Invited…..

Not only am I moving to the Mountains, but I am also getting married to the love of my life, also known as the Medic! I am sure you have heard of her…once or twice! :-)   You Are Cordially Invited….is my space to chronicle this amazing journey into married life.

After two trips to Killington, much searching and almost settling on a wedding location that wasn’t exactly (read – not remotely close to our vision) what we were hoping for, we came across this beauty! What do they say….we save the best for last? The house is immaculate, warm and inviting, large enough for all of our family and wedding party. The yard is perfect for the wedding and reception and the view is breathtaking – you can see Mt. Killington through the trees.

The Medic and I knew this was the place before we even walked in the door. Stepping inside confirmed our initial reaction! The house is beyond perfect! Each room has its own style, but all are warm and inviting. The owners left us a few notes welcoming us and labeled each room so that we could easily identify then. The common areas are spacious and perfect for what we have planned.

We have decided on a small wedding, only family and close friends. Unfortunately my sister, who is currently in the Army and at EMT training in San Antonio, Texas, will not be able to make the wedding. The Medic’s brother and family in Arizona will most likely not attend either. We hope to send them lots of digital photos and prints of the fantabulous day though!

We are in the process of sending out wedding invitations, but I also feel compelled to chronicle this journey on TDP! Odd if I didn’t, right?

Here are the basics…..

  • Date: Saturday, August 14
  • Time: 4pm
  • Location: 7 Cream Hill Road, Mendon, VT

Cara and I are registered at Target!

Please join us Friday, August 13 at 5:30 pm for a Welcome BBQ at the house. Feel free to bring a dish. BYOB.

We are renting the above house for two nights for our family and wedding party. There are several wonderful hotels nearby for friends who are coming up Friday and/or Saturday night who wish to stay over night. The house is easy to locate off of Route 4 (the main road through Rutland and Killington (Mendon is between Rutland and Killington).

For those of you coming from out of town – Philadelphia, PA; New York, NY; and Glens Falls/Hudson Falls, NY, below is a helpful (I hope) map and directions.

There is  much I wish and am going to share – the exciting creative stuff, the family bonding, drama and trauma, the butterflies and so much more. So, get comfortable! This is going to be an amazing ride!
View Larger Map

Update #1 – If you are interested in coming via Amtrak, I suggest coming into Albany and driving to Killington, VT with either the Medic or myself. Please send me an email as soon as possible with your arrival and departure information so that I can be sure to have someone pick you up at the train station when you arrive.

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MixedChick in the Mountains Vol. 1

1

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 02-06-2010

Category : Family, The Medic, The Tundra

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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Lake George

Photo of Lake George (c) Kathrin P. Ivanovic

Welcome to MixedChick in the Mountains!!

As many of you know by now, TDP is heading for the hills, the Tundra to be exact. Well, right now it isn’t tundray, but November to April it will be. For now I am in denial of that, so we shall cross that bridge – together – when we need to! For now….blue skies are on the horizon!

The Medic recently moved into the Homestead and I have been there twice in the last month.  Gorgeous does not even begin to cover it!  Stunning wood panel walls, cozy living/family space and massive bedroom. I have yet to explore the lake in our backyard, but the outdoor space is extremely calming. The apartment is a quad of a cabin – one of two cabins that used to be vacation rentals but were converted into year-round rentals some time ago. Each unit has its own massive fenced in yard which means doggy heaven for the Samsonator! He is such a different dog when we are up there. He is calm and confident. I think Philadelphia provides too much chaotic stimulation for him, so much so that he ends up being a terrified puppy, rather than the confident boy I know he is. The Homestead brings that out in him! My favorite part of the yard is the fire-pit! With the pit at the center, it leaves vast amounts of space for a vegetable and herb garden, lounge space and flowers.

We had an opportunity to break in the fire-pit this past weekend as family and friends came over for our first bbq of the season. While I have met most of the parents of the people I have dated, I’ve never actually had the opportunity to spend time with them and get to know them. Needless to say I was quite nervous. I want them to like me. (More on this later….this is its own blog post)

Given everything that is going on with work, the move is happening much sooner than anticipated. Can we say 17 days?? Ask me how much I have packed?

I have put a lot of thought into this tangent of TDP – mission, goals, parameters, etc. and this is what I came up with:

Welcome to MixedChick in the Mountains, a new column on TDP that will focus on the first year of my transition from Philadelphia to Upstate New York and its impact on the way I navigate the world as mixed and queer.

For now my goal is to chronicle my first year as I think with the first 30 days, six months and one year are critical points during any period of change. The more time I spend up there, the more I am convinced this is the right move for me and for us (that being the Medic, the Samsonator and Max and me). I am profoundly aware that it will be a stark shift for me…from urban to almost rural, but I am excited about the change in pace. Most of all, I am excited about building a life with the Medic and actually living in the same state – home – as my future wife!

For those of you just now coming to the party, here are a few useful terms to help you make sense:

  • the Medic = the love of my life
  • the Tundra = Upstate NY (the Lake George/Glens Falls vicinity)
  • the Homestead = our home in the Tundra
  • Swirlies = my mixed family, specifically referring to members of Swirl chapters
  • Latism = all things Latino/a

Topics of exploration that have been on my mind: making new friends, getting plugged in to the lgbt and pro-migrant advocacy networks, getting my salsa and bachata on, and in a very general and profound way, starting over where very few people know me.

This last element – starting over – is the most and least unnerving of them all. Growing up we moved a lot as most military families did.  Therefore, I adapt well, often without flinching. I can be packed and ready to move within 48 hours. Our family was a well oiled machine in that regard. Nevertheless, after a while you stop forming strong attachments to people, places and things.  While the larger military community becomes your family (a support system so integral to making such smooth transitions) your immediate family (mom, dad and sister…and later puppy Taska) become your anchors, since it was always only a matter of time before you or your new friend (whichever came first)  had to pack up and leave. Orders were orders and everyone knew the drill all too well.

I initially thought that my stay in Philadelphia would be equally brief.  I can’t believe that a decade has past since I pulled up with my three suit cases and Dodge Neon. Now, I must say that within those ten years I have moved a total of 10 times. Yes, 10 TIMES! I had my house for almost 5 years so that means I didn’t even stay in some of those places for a year. Point is, I move a lot and I am ok with that. However, over the last ten years I have build a network of colleagues and like minded individuals here in Philadelphia. We have collaborated om some exciting initiatives. Most extraordinary, I have actually build some strong friendships. While I have some friends from my early childhood in Lengers, I can’t say that I have kept in touch with many people during those transitive years a la military. I touch base with several people from undergrad and grad school, but I wouldn’t necessarily call them “friends”.  I have formed some strong bonds over the last few years, friendships that mean a great deal to me. I have also allowed the familiar to be a comfort to me.

So, with the impending move, I have done what is familiar. Google and I are having lengthy conversations. I’ve mapped out the main players in the area that I need to get in touch with – public interest, pro migrant, LGBT, salsa, and even writers. I have standing invitations for coffee and drinks to last me most of the summer. I found Honest Weight Food Co-Op through a friend of mine – great way to support local farms and eat healthy AND great way to network. It’s members and Board is a whose who in Albany non-profit, business and government.

So, sit back, relax and stay tuned to more chronicles of this MixedChick in the Mountains! And….don’t be a stranger! Please do pop in and share your own stories of adapting to new people, places and things!

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Ms. Thursday, Susan Chopourian – Femme Visibility Week 2010

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 13-05-2010

Category : Feminism, LGBTQ Issues

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Welcome, Ms. Thursday!

Actually, sorry for the delay. I had an appointment this morning. Anyway….so here is Susan, Ms. Thursday! I think Susan is fabulous. She always has the right thing to say, whether I want to hear it or not. That’s a special quality that not many people possess! I am honored to call her my femme sister!!

Let me start by saying writing a bio about one’s self is never an easy task.  To then use that bio to chronicle how a woman comes to embrace the title of “Femme,” now that is an undertaking.  Let me take you back to the beginning.

Raised in a Performing Arts family, I have obviously been surrounded by gay men.  Until I came out at 31, I had no idea how many queer ladies were in that same extended family.  From the furthest recollections of my sexuality, pictures of beautiful women in any form were my choice.  My first sexual experiences were with a female childhood friend at the age of 8.  Even so, equally as obvious was the ability to control a boy with a smile, and eventually, the rest of me.

As the years passed, junior high into high school, I would date all the boys that looked like girls.  Long hair, very slender, and usually “pretty.”  Never feeling pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, just plain enough, my many interactions with those boys were a poor substitute for self-acceptance.

After high school, with my many conquests behind me, I started a string of very unhealthy relationships.  Saturated with control, deception, infidelity, emotional and psychological abuse, I assumed them to be the norm and the best I would ever get.  Even so, I had flashes of attraction to some of my female friends that I would shake off as “crazy.”  Deep down, I knew I was more attracted to women emotionally, intellectually and though I tried to deny it, physically.  Then I married the father of my two sons.

A fairy tale start, the relationship of just under seven years shook me to my very core.  I was a raw nerve in search of shelter, destined to perpetuate this negative cycle.  Another short string of interactions with men followed, which lead me to my first chance to experience adult sexual contact with a woman.  It was like something out of a movie.  I was looking at life through a new perspective with an unquestionable knowledge that I had never truly enjoyed anything other than the control I thought I gained through being with men.  You could say I was reborn.

In walks my beautiful butch.  Friends from the day we met, we grew close very quickly.  Then came the infamous “nap.”  I was in new territory, being wooed and courted by the woman that would become my legally-wedded wife.  Courteous, attentive, encouraging, she made me feel alive again.  Her friends voiced concerns about getting involved with “the straight girl.”  My friends were just happy to know I was happy.

It only took two weeks from that fateful day to make the decision we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives.  The planning of the celebration started as planning a commitment ceremony.  Then Massachusetts made the unprecedented move to legalize same-sex marriage.  This was so exciting, and definitely eye-opening.  It became readily obvious at that point who truly supported us.  It forced my father-in-law to look at our relationship as legitimate, and eventually, something for which to strive.  My former employer’s gift of a week on Cape Cod was the perfect honeymoon.  Later, she made a comment that floored me and caused me to leave the job.  “You being a single mother, or whatever you call yourself…”  I call myself a happily-married mother of two.  Where is the question?

I now have the relationship I never thought possible.  We have mutual respect and understanding, as well as the space to make our own mistakes and continue to evolve as individuals, and in turn, strengthen our relationship.  This lead me to turn my focus inward.  I ran the spectrum of appearances.  Long hair, tight jeans…short hair, a slight air of butch…but I have come to terms with the fact that I am truly a Femme.  I am attracted to and choose intimacy only with masculine women.  This does not mean I don’t find Femmes attractive, but I am not attracted TO them.  Being feminine no longer bothers me, although the attention it can bring can be unwanted.  Slowly I embrace this concept of Femme.  It is truly a fusion of all facets of my being.  

Top 3 Kernels of Femme Wisdom

1.  Don’t be sorry if you find yourself attractive.  If you don’t love you, you can’t love anyone else.

2.  Never apologize for who you love, or how happy they make you.  And expect jealousy and doubts from those who are less fortunate.

3.  Be gentle with those who cross your path.  We are all facing some sort of battle and very few people are comfortable in their own skin.Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Ms. Wednesday, Sabine Fuchs – Femme Visibility Week 2010

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 12-05-2010

Category : Feminism, LGBTQ Issues

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As much as I am queer, I am also transnational. I am Afro-German, Cubana and American. My ethnic and cultural identities influence me as much and sometimes even more than being queer. I am a femme of the world, and therefore I would be amiss if I did not include  fierce and fabulous femme sisters from abroad.  Sabine is incredible and groundbreaking. The work she is doing to empower  femmes and members of the trans community in Germany is an example to be emulated!

(c) Maria M. Litwa

Some wisdoms for younger or newly-out femmes

by Sabine Fuchs

Sabine Fuchs is a queer feminist femme living in Hamburg. As the editor of „Femme! radikal – queer – feminin“, published in 2009 with a foreword by Joan Nestle, she is currently on a book tour throughout Germany and Austria with a bunch of fabulous femme writers and performers for a series of readings and talks about this groundbreaking anthology on femmes and fem(me)inism in German language.

Besides continuing her queer academic work (a Ph.D. in gender studies, literature and popular culture), she is highly committed to creating and sustaining femme/butch/trans community. Her next project will be dedicated to transpeople’s needs in surviving ‚terminal’ illness and end-of-life care. Domestic vixen that she is, Sabine is an avid knitter and crocheter, connoisseur tea drinker and manic cat lover.

Forget everything you heard about „visibility“ – it’s not important. Visibility is a trap, especially for femmes. Call it awareness, empowerment, representation, a strong voice, presence, support, recognition, but not „visibility“. Instead, revel in the paradox of your „visible invisibility“: you are a subversive spy, a double agent against the patriarchy, an enigma to be desired and a medusa to be feared.

Concentrate on the whole, not on the visible. The whole consists of the visible and the invisible. Learn to read codes and send codes. Not every code is or need be visual. Queers are great readers between the lines.

If you can’t find a femme mentor or a femme friend in your area, turn to written material for wisdom and solace. Check out your local libraries or go on the Internet. Finding testimony that others think and feel as you do will make you feel less lonely.

Learn about your histories. Realizing you are not the first in your struggles makes you stronger and more modest at the same time. Become a part of a proud tradition.

Color Me Kathrin

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 11-05-2010

Category : Feminism, LGBTQ Issues

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Hello! Desire here! It’s Kathrin’s birthday and I have hijacked her blog!!

You don’t turn 30 every day, and today my friend is the 1st day to the rest of your life. I reflect upon my last 11 years back to my own 30th birthday. That cathartic day was the start of the best times of my life. I wish for you that same possibility for growth, learning, empowerment and love.

I gift to you my friend the following words by Anais Nin so that they may blanket you and keep you warm and safe for all the days of your life….

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom” Anais Nin

I met my long lost Femme sister on Facebook! yep – that’s right, you heard correctly. We connected over various subjects in particular the art of loving butches. My friend Kathrin is a queer Femme, mixed chick, a blogger, an advocate, a social networking guru and a immense inspiration to many. Kathrin is one of the most passionate, intense, loving, dedicated and creative people I’ve ever met. We share a passion for promotion of Femme Visibility and recently launched our joint production team of Double Trouble Femmes.

While working this blog post for your day of birth, I reflect upon the message of your words and keep coming upon the recurring theme of color. You, my friend are a crayola box of shimmering, brilliant, permanent Magic Markers.

Red is your fiery fierceness
Green spreads your consciousness upon the world
Blue blankets the earth with your unrelenting love
Orange is the gift of your smile
Purple has the royal stature of your knowledge
Pink line your lips and effervescent smile
Endless colors of of beauty, love and determination

You color my life Kathrin!

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My Birthday Wish Needs YOU!

Posted by Kathrin Ivanovic | Posted on 10-05-2010

Category : Activism, Fundraisers

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My 30th Birthday Wish –

  • Help me make sure that transnational LGBTQ families and couples and HIV-positive foreign nationals are included in comprehensive immigration reform
  • actively wage a battle against hate and bigotry!

I am turning 30 tomorrow – *ghasp*! This year is going to be filled with a lot of wonderful change (getting married, new job, moving to Albany….for starters), new endeavors and much joy.  I am also committed to continuing to support organizations that are fighting against hate and bigotry.  Join me in supporting the work of two fabulous organizations near and dear to my heart – Immigration Equality and the Southern Poverty Law Center. Make a donation between May 10 and May 17 to either (or both) of the below organizations in honor of my birthday! I have been a long-time donor and supporter of both organizations and believe strongly in the work they are doing. Help me make sure that they continue to have the resources to fight for individuals and families who can’t fight for themselves!

Thank you!

– Kathrin :-)

Immigration Equality is a national organization that works to end discrimination in U.S. immigration law, to reduce the negative impact of that law on the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and HIV-positive people, and to help obtain asylum for those persecuted in their home country based on their sexual orientation, transgender identity or HIV-status. Through education, outreach, advocacy, and the maintenance of a nationwide network of resources, we provide information and support to advocates, attorneys, politicians and those who are threatened by persecution or the discriminatory impact of the law.

The Southern Poverty Law Center is a nonprofit civil rights organization dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry, and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of society. SPLC is dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry, and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of our society. Using litigation, education and other forms of advocacy, they work toward the day when the ideals of equal justice and equal opportunity will be a reality. They employ a three-pronged strategy to battle racial and social injustice: (1 track the activities of hate groups and domestic terrorists across America, and launch innovative lawsuits that seek to destroy networks of radical extremists; (2) use the courts and other forms of advocacy to win systemic reforms on behalf of victims of bigotry and discrimination; and (3) provide educators with free resources that teach school children to reject hate, embrace diversity and respect differences.

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